Overflowing

I've had so many amazing conversations with incredible people from around the globe in the past couple of weeks that I can't even keep track of them all. I'm still processing much of what I heard, saw, experienced, learned. As I reflect on all of these things, my favorite hindsight discoveries are the ones about me and how I've changed.

Such as: Last week I ran into an old aquaintance I see now and then at different United Methodist gatherings. It didn't take long to recall that we originally met several years ago at a National Council of Churches General Assembly. I was only beginning to get involved in the Ecumenical movement then, but I loved it! Since then I have fallen out of connection and not been involved with any organized ecumenical work.

As our conversation continued, I was asked if I had considered/would consider applying for a scholarship to attend the World Council of Churches General Assembly in South Korea. It would be fantastic to get involved again! and better yet: I have never been to South Korea. What a great opportunity!

But then I heard words come out of my mouth that never would have a year (or even 6 months!?) ago. "I'd love to, but I just don't have time for another trip right now, and I certainly can't take up any more commitments."

Words that surprised me, but are every bit as true now as they were when they rolled off my tongue. And the best part? These words are not just true, but bring a great satisfaction to me. Right now, my life is overflowing not with commitments that are holding me back or requiring me to say, "no." Rather, my life is overflowing with so many great things that I can't imagine taking time away from them to do something else, even if the other things may also be things I would love.

I can't imagine saying yes right now because right now, my cup is full. More than that: my cup is overflowing.

Life is Good.

I am not the person I was a year ago. I am settled and content and happy to be spending time at home. I know I won't be getting on a plane for close to 6 months, and I couldn't be happier about it.

My, how times have changed! But God is good, and it is great to be in this place that I am called to. A place I am learning to call home.

Life is good.
     and my cup is overflowing.

Praise be to God.

No Place Like Home

As if it wasn't before, the pressure is on. Time is getting short, to-do lists seem to be getting longer, and months of anticipation are turning into reality.

The 2012 General Conference of The United Methodist Church begins in only two weeks. Since I work MFSA, a caucusing organization within the church, it seems that 100% of my life right now revolves around this huge event that happens every 4 years. In fact, it is such a big deal for our organization that our entire staff have already taken one trip down together to visit the area and conference center, and are going to be on the ground and organizing a FULL WEEK before the conference even starts. Which means my D-Day for departure for this year's location (it rotates) in Tampa, Florida is only 8 days. AHH!

Realizing today that this is my last full week in the office, I was ancy, stressed, and as a result quite snarky all day with my fellow staff. Fortunately, so were they and we are all close so all was well and we laughed about it together. But all in all, though nothing specifically went wrong today, this tension and growing pressure really just made today "one of those days."

Which brings me to now. Here. As I sit writing this in the comfort of my home, snuggled up under a blanket sitting on my bed with my computer on my lap.

Something about the growing pressure of this work significantly diminishes as I sit in my safe space to do it.

No, I cannot get everything I need done on this computer. No, I do not have my colleagues next to me to bounce ideas off of before I hit "send" on emails. There are lots of things that make working at work a whole lot better and easier. But tonight, I'm grateful to get lots done, and grateful not to be there.

Because, in the words of Dorothy, there really is "no place like home."

It is good to realize this as I prepare to leave next week for a month-long journey in Florida (I will be there for 18 days for work then take a week of leave with friends in Orlando). It is good to spend time at home, safe and comfortable and in the quiet in my "safe space." It is good to make time for reflection and prayer in the midst of the craziness around me.

And it is good to have this reminder as I prepare for all that is to come. I am excited about it and would have it no other way than for me to be there for the duration, but I have no illusions about it being less than strenuous, difficult, and trying physically, emotionally and spiritually.

So today, I celebrate this opportunity to take in solitude and click my heels. I may even work from home for a day this week. Because really, truly: there is no place like home.

Going Home

I travel a lot for work, and the next 6 months will be no exception. I do not anticipate being home for more than 2 consecutive weeks (even 2 weeks is unusual!) at any given time between now and when I pack up to move back to the Dakotas in August. This is a blessing and a curse: I get to meet a lot of people and see a lot of friends along the road: and I love flying, traveling, and visiting new places.

As much as I love seeing new places, though, there's nothing like visiting an old place I know and love

While in Tampa for a conference two weeks ago, I overheard the conversation of a couple other staff members. I didn't hear much, but the one word that stuck out to me was an important one: Harare. I immediately chimed in to a conversation that was not my own, "I want to go to Harare!" I was kidding, of course, and they smiled at me and carried on their conversation as I carried on with whatever else I was doing.

2 minutes later my boss comes over and says to me, "so: do you really want to go to Harare?"

Long story short: it has been decided that my own travel and life experiences would be a great asset to the trip being planned to Harare. Fortunately, our Board of Directors also agreed, and so in 2 days, I leave for Harare, Zimbabwe.

After a few more days in Mutare, Zimbabwe and a visit I've always wanted to make to Africa University, we will board our flights home. Only: our flights back to the US stop over in Johannesburg, and I can't say no to that kind of temptation. As excited as I am for the opportunity to go to Zimbabwe, I am even more excited about my upcoming vacation in South Africa!!

I'll be spending only one night in Johannesburg and 9 days in Cape Town. Which means it will feel like a very quick trip, but I'll take an unexpected quick trip any day compared to the alternative of no trip at all!!

A photo of Table Mountain I took
on a camping trip in January 2010

This unexpected adventure has brought a boost to my spirit I did not otherwise realize I needed. I could not be happier than to be not just going on vacation, but returning "home."I hope to do a whole lot of nothing: to cook and laugh and watch movies with my family. To meet the new additions to family (wink, nudge Lisa!). To have tea at Kirstenbosch Gardens or go camping. To stroll on the beach and eat the best fish in the world at Kalky's. Proably have a braai, too, since a South African summer isn't complete without it. These are very important tasks...

I hope to update here a time or two while I'm on my journey... but don't get hopes up too much: visits home tend to be very busy with all the socializing and such... so I'm just not sure I'll be able to manage it all. Oh, the conundrum... :)

Reminiscing

(...I just found this in my drafts folder, dated  12/12/11 and thought I may as well post it, whether I intended to at the time or not. So old or not: enjoy!)

I have a friend who keeps posting one-word status updates and it reminds me of a colleague I had in South Africa who went through a similar phase.

I can't believe Christmas is nearly here, and in just over a week I'll be in South Dakota to celebrate with my biological family. This makes it difficult for me as I also spend a great deal of time thinking about my family in South Africa, missing them dearly, and wishing I could also be with them.

The weather is getting colder and soon the snow will be flying, and its strange to realize it would feel just as normal to be preparing for a braai or finding ways to avoid the tourists as they flock to the beach in the midst of hot, sun-filled days in the Cape.

I feel out of touch with Advent because I don't have people to light my Advent wreath with at home (Hannah and Rachel).

Last year at Christmas I was preparing for a marathon of worship services I would be leading - and my heart longs to be back in that role.

In 3 days - on December 15 - I will meet the one-year anniversary of the big operation I had last year to have melanoma removed from my right temple.

Oh, how things have changed in that year.

Over the past 2 weeks I have had opportunities to spend time with friends who know me well and with whom I have no need for "walls" or "filters" - and it has been good. And it has invited me to reflect on the many incredible people I have in my life, near and far.

and it has made me think: it has been a long, long time since I felt genuinely "homesick" for a people or place I call my own, and yet that is where I find myself. Oh, how this holiday season makes me long for the people, the places, and the family that are so far away. Perhaps moreso because it is such a season of change, and I wish I could be there helping out...

and as so much is changing, I find myself wishing more than ever I could be with my family on another continent.

Here's to Advent as a season of change and a season of anticipation. As I continue to process the many changes within myself over the past couple of years, I am also excitedly and impatiently awaiting the experience of what this next season shall bring for me.

My prayer for the next couple of weeks is that I not get too far ahead of myself in anticipation but that instead, I find moments to rest into all that is offered to me in the present.

Leaving

I feel like I finally have a routine. No, a rhythm. Like all is well and good in the world. I’m loving my work, the people I live, work, and serve with. I’ve grown in leaps and bounds and its nice to see some of the painful process of stretching, finally pay off.

And now. Now that it finally feels like I am in the right place at the right time with the right people. Right when it feels like that: it is time to start preparing to leave. I am trying not to count days or weeks, but its hard, especially knowing that tomorrow marks 5 weeks until my departure.

I’m not ready to leave, that much is certain. And yet, as I read through the Gospel stories set before us for Epiphany, I am reminded that when we are called - when we are asked to “follow” or “come” or “believe” - we are not asked to do so on our own time, in our own convenience, or in our comfortable spaces.

We are not called to come at our leisurely, comfortable paces, but “immediately,” as the disciples did when Jesus first called them.

So I must also acknowledge: our God who called me to South Africa, is now calling me home. I still do not know what lies ahead of me. and I have no idea where my next placement will be or what I’ll be doing.

But I trust.

It will not be easy. I know that wherever I end up, it will take me a while to find my rhythm again, and to make it feel like home. And yet I also know, deep down inside, that though I do not think I’m ready (or want) to leave, it is right.

And though it is not easy, I must trust in that knowledge. For if there is one thing I have learned or been affirmed in over this past year, it is this: to always trust my God-given instinct: even when it is not easy or comfortable or “safe.”

Right now that instinct is reminding me of my call and commitment to return to the US. To the US where another adventure of another unpredictable 18 months awaits me…

But until then, I shall remain here. Taking in every moment of joy, every breath of the fresh ocean breeze, every extra view of the extraordinary Table Mountain.

Today, I am happy to be where I am. And so, rather than focus on where I will be, today I choose to acknowledge but not focus on the fact that I am leaving.

Today, I choose to find joy in my growing gratitude for being here, and being able to just be.

There's No Place Like Home...

For me, the most difficult part of living in another country is being away from people. To be honest, most of the time I don’t really miss my friends and family, but perhaps that is because modern technology allows me to stay in touch with them almost as well as if I only lived across the country.

Almost.

The reality is, I don’t. This makes for a few tough scenarios. One is obvious: while I am still technically just a plane ride away (as I was in Chicago), it is a very long and expensive plane ride, making it difficult for me to realistically fly back and forth. This means I have missed several events in my one year in South Africa that I would not have missed had I been anywhere in the continental United States. For example, I have a nephew who will have his first birthday in a couple of weeks, and I am yet to meet him. That simply would not have happened. I have also missed several weddings and even a family reunion to celebrate the 50th wedding anniversary of my grandparents: an event I may never live down (or forget) missing.

Aside from missing events such as these, there is one other thing I really miss: phone calls. For one thing, it is expensive to call here, so it just doesn’t make sense for anyone to phone me when we can speak for free over skype or I can phone the US for something like 1/10 the cost of someone phoning me from there.

So yes: we have skype. Honestly, it has rescued me from more than one of “those days” when I just really needed someone from “home” to talk to. But when those moments come, or when I remember it is a birthday and want to phone and wish you the best, or when I see something that I would like to send in a picture message (from one phone to the next), the computer and internet and skype are not always convenient. Nor available. Nor functioning with a proper connection. Or if they are, the time of the day is off just enough that while I’d like to phone you on my lunch break, something tells me you wouldn’t appreciate a 6am wake up call.

Today was one of those days for me. All is well in the camp here, but it would sure be nice to pick up a phone sometimes. But I’m sure life will go on and all will be well tomorrow. So thanks for reading my rant, and while you’re at it, I invite you to lift up a little prayer for whoever else in the world may be feeling this way at the time you’re reading this.

Finally an Aunt!

It is good to be home! Travels were uneventful (thankfully!) and we have all been home since Late Wednesday evening. We spent Thursday resting and re-settling into our home in Cape Town, and are working our energy back up as we look forward to getting back into the office. Believe it or not, I’ve really missed the office, our scheduled work and our incredible staff we get to spend the days with. It is good to be home, and I look forward to returning to Salt River to work on Monday!

Of utmost importance other than the details of arriving home safely is big family news I am excited to share! After more than two days of labor, my little sister Aleah has given birth to a beautiful baby boy!!! My first nephew Quintin Eugene was born on Wednesday, November 18 and was 8lbs, 4oz and 21in long! Mom and baby are still recovering but doing well, and expect to go home on Saturday.

Here he is - isn’t he beautiful!?!?

My only regret is that I am so far away, but I have been assured by Aleah and my mother both that they will cuddle and kiss him plenty for me, too! Please join with me in celebrating the birth of her first child (my mother’s first grandchild after she’s wanted grandchildren for so long!), and in praying for them as she learns all the intricacies of motherhood. (and fatherhood for Daddy Corn!)

Welcome, baby Quintin, and congrats Mommy Aleah and Daddy Corn! Love you guys!

Finding Home

I write today from the safety and comfort of the home of a dear friend and colleague, Pete Grassow. I was invited to join him and his congregation at Plumstead Methodist Church for worship this morning, helping to lead the services and to share with them why I have returned to South Africa.

I was greatly blessed by this congregation the last time I was here, and this morning was no different. This congregation has generously offered to pray with and for me throughout my time in South Africa, and I cannot begin to express my gratitude of having a congregation that I know I can call “home” even from so far away from the places I have understood to be “home” before. It brings me back the very question of what it means to be “home,” and of the struggle I face every time I am asked where my “home” is.

Certainly, a piece of my heart will always lie in the place my family still lives and where I once attended and graduated from high school. The same is also true of the places I lived and that shaped me so much as a student during both undergraduate and graduate studies. Even before returning, I somehow knew that I had a home in South Africa and I have often referred to my friends here as family, though I never truly anticipated the day would arrive when I would return and be able to greet them again in their “home.” I am glad that I was wrong.

The degree of questioning what it means to be “home” has significantly increased since the two years of the Ride:Well Tour. Through these long journeys I have embarked on, what I have discovered is that I have somehow come to find great comfort in the strange or otherwise unfamiliar places I find myself in. A few weeks before I left to ride my bike this summer, I moved out of my apartment and turned in the keys, officially making me “homeless” with no residence of my own to return to. I visited with family and friends until I flew to LA to begin the tour. Every time someone asked me where home was on tour, I wanted to say, “I live right here,” as no longer had a physical place to call a home of my own. I had come from Chicago, but I knew I would not return there. Where would I return to? I did not even know until the final week of tour where I would be moving to after we reached the Atlantic Ocean. I therefore wanted to claim the moment, not to let go of or forget where I’ve come from, but to embrace that if “home is where the heart is,” I can be fully present and at home wherever I am. I have certainly come to care for my team as family, so why can we as a family not make a home wherever we are?

Home. It is where I can feel comfortable and safe, be secure in who I am but never cease to be challenged. Where I can feel understood and risk being vulnerable. Where I can love and be loved. Where I can know that no matter what the day brings, there will be people around to get me through the nights.

I am really far from the place I refer to when I am asked where “home” is. Yet days like this, days when I know that I am home in a place far, far from South Dakota (or Iowa or Chicago), I am reminded of what an incredibly blessed life I have. I am reminded to count my many blessings, and I am thankful for the many people and places who have made this journey possible.