No Place Like Home

As if it wasn't before, the pressure is on. Time is getting short, to-do lists seem to be getting longer, and months of anticipation are turning into reality.

The 2012 General Conference of The United Methodist Church begins in only two weeks. Since I work MFSA, a caucusing organization within the church, it seems that 100% of my life right now revolves around this huge event that happens every 4 years. In fact, it is such a big deal for our organization that our entire staff have already taken one trip down together to visit the area and conference center, and are going to be on the ground and organizing a FULL WEEK before the conference even starts. Which means my D-Day for departure for this year's location (it rotates) in Tampa, Florida is only 8 days. AHH!

Realizing today that this is my last full week in the office, I was ancy, stressed, and as a result quite snarky all day with my fellow staff. Fortunately, so were they and we are all close so all was well and we laughed about it together. But all in all, though nothing specifically went wrong today, this tension and growing pressure really just made today "one of those days."

Which brings me to now. Here. As I sit writing this in the comfort of my home, snuggled up under a blanket sitting on my bed with my computer on my lap.

Something about the growing pressure of this work significantly diminishes as I sit in my safe space to do it.

No, I cannot get everything I need done on this computer. No, I do not have my colleagues next to me to bounce ideas off of before I hit "send" on emails. There are lots of things that make working at work a whole lot better and easier. But tonight, I'm grateful to get lots done, and grateful not to be there.

Because, in the words of Dorothy, there really is "no place like home."

It is good to realize this as I prepare to leave next week for a month-long journey in Florida (I will be there for 18 days for work then take a week of leave with friends in Orlando). It is good to spend time at home, safe and comfortable and in the quiet in my "safe space." It is good to make time for reflection and prayer in the midst of the craziness around me.

And it is good to have this reminder as I prepare for all that is to come. I am excited about it and would have it no other way than for me to be there for the duration, but I have no illusions about it being less than strenuous, difficult, and trying physically, emotionally and spiritually.

So today, I celebrate this opportunity to take in solitude and click my heels. I may even work from home for a day this week. Because really, truly: there is no place like home.

Grateful

The best thing about family is that it doesn't matter how often you see each other, it can be comfortable and feel like you were never apart. That was certainly how this weekend was as I spent the past 2 days with Jess and Greg and Greg's family.

They leave to head back to South Africa in the morning, so I've left them to their packing. After a short visit with my sister (family of origin who lives in NYC), I am now on the bus back to DC, where I will spend Easter with my 'home' church tomorrow.

Our weekend was full of great tourist activities like standing in line for hours to go to the Cake Boss's bakery (pictured above) and strolling through Times Square at night just to see it. Activities I hadn't done before but had a great time doing if not purely for the company I kept.

Jess, Greg and I in Central Park

So today I celebrate that we live in a small world in which some of my South African family can visit my country (and look forward to the visits of others, queue Grassows and Kleins). I am tired from a couple of busy days, but more so renewed and refreshed by the life, love and energy that comes with spending quality time with family - no matter how long or short it is.

For that I am grateful.

Thoughts for Maundy Thursday

"Around the table of death and life, bread and wine, where we can still meet each other, there are sounds to hear if we listen carefully. There is the sound of going down into the abyss and being lifted up, heart and body, not to heaven but to the good earth. There are sounds of the lively ghosts of God, laughing still with love. There are the sounds of men and women, stirring, standing. There is the sound of the season's changing. And wine. There is the sound of day breaking. And bread."
--James Carroll

Plumblines for Justice

A couple of weeks ago, I was walking back to my office after meeting with friends for lunch when we saw an innocent construction worker standing on the corner. I have no doubt our simultaneous reaction to him caught him off guard as we exclaimed, "Plumbline!" and immediately asked to take our picture with him.

With my co-worker Chett and our local
plumbline-holding construction worker.
Photo Courtesy of Amy Stapleton

You see: for me, a plumbline has become much, much more than a construction tool. It is now a reminder of our theme verse for the organization I work for, the Methodist Federation for Social Action (MFSA). At MFSA, we often quote Amos 7:8, "I am setting a plumbline in the midst of my people, I will never again pass them by." Plumblines help us to stay level, to keep on track, and at MFSA, to stay in line with the justice to which we are called to bring to God's creation.

Fast forward a week and I cross that same street as we arrive in front of the US Supreme Court Building to take part in the Affordable Health Care Witness. This time, I am walking on the exact same corner talking to folks and listening for good quotes I can tweet as I carry a sign (pictured below) that reads, "People of Faith for Heath Care!"

The photos we took throughout during the witness have become some of the most commented-on posts on MFSA's Facebook page. It has led me to reflect on why and how, which has become a great inner-dialogue about more than social media strategies. It has also been an invitation to consider what we do that matters, that affects lives, that allows people we are working so hard for to truly know that we care. How does our work impact individual lives?

Most of the time, it doesn't. It feels like red tape or too much paperwork. But the reality is, it does. It trickles down. It leads to small moments like a staff outing to the Supreme Court (less than 1 block from our office) so we can stand together, firm like plumblines of justice who are called to step in on behalf of those whose voices are not being heard. Our national platform allows our voices to be heard as those of faith leaders who care about all people and take seriously Jesus' call to care for the sick.

We are just a collective group of imperfect people trying to (and often falling short of) living our lives in accordance with the call Jesus has placed on us. Imperfect or not, moments like these are the ones that make me grateful for the opportunity to do this work to which I am called, with nothing less than the best team I have ever had the privilege of working with.

MFSA staff in front of the Methodist Building following
the Affordable Health Care Witness on March 26

Forgiveness

Completely unexpectedly, an old colleague called a few days ago. But wasn't just any call. Though it had been years since we talked, this call was different. You see: our relationship had undergone a few bumpy roads we had not fully recovered from, and my old friend phoned to recall one such particular day that stood out in both of our memories. It was a terrible, heart-wrenching, trust-shattering, confidence-breaking day for me. Yet as events of this day were recalled, I told him, "it is a day I recall clearly, but have not clung to." I'm not sure how true that is, but I've done my best to live into it.

But he didn't stop with that explanation, because the call was surely not to relive it. Rather, he called to offer a deep, heart-felt, God-sent, life-giving, burden-lifting apology.

Sometimes, the things we do, the actions we take, the words we speak: they seep deep inside us. We allow things so unlike ourselves to come out from us, overtaking us, changing us and our relationships, even defining us. Often, when we recall these moments, days, and memories over and over again in our minds, perhaps with regret, we do nothing about it.

Two days after this phone call took place, I received an email from someone in our MFSA network on the same topic of forgiveness. After sharing it with her church, she felt compelled to share her amazing story of forgiveness with others, and invited me to share it widely within our network and beyond.

On a week like this one with two compelling stories that touched me deeply, its hard not to take time for deep reflection on what forgiveness and grace really mean in our lives. In my life. I haven't been able to stop thinking about what that kind of forgiveness means in my life, and how I will carry with me the phone call I received a couple of days ago.

On the phone call, my friend decided to do something about this moment that has weighed so heavily on him over the past few years. This was a moment, after all, that significantly changed our relationship.

So my friend picked up the phone, dialed my number, shared this story, and offered the most genuine apology I could ever have asked for. It was so sincere that I couldn't stop smiling, even amidst the surprise or the recalling of a difficult time. My hand was literally drawn to my mouth in surprise, then over my heart as if in an effort to keep in the many emotions it brought up. But no matter the emotions, I couldn't stop smiling. I could hardly even wait for the gracious words on the other end of the line to conclude before I offered the most heartfelt forgiveness I have ever been blessed to offer.

I could not stop smiling at the peace I suddenly felt about the situation, about the heartache it had caused me.

I couldn't stop smiling because I knew a friendship had been healed and transformed over 4 seemingly simple words:"I am so sorry."

Most importantly: I couldn't stop smiling because I knew how much healing this short conversation offered.

I know how healing it was for me: the years of painful memories that honestly seem to have washed away with healing through forgiveness and gratitude of sincerity. Even as I write this, I am amazed to discover for myself that this kind of apology, paired well with acknowledgement of pain and undue suffering, can bring such wholeness and restoration.

Yet my biggest smile of all was for none of these reasons. It was for my friend on the other end of the line. I can only hope this forgiveness I have experienced and granted today was felt on the other end of that line. I smile wide for my friend, sharing in joy, hoping that they too can have a burden lifted and replaced with God's everlasting and abundant grace.

Thank you, friend, for making that difficult call after all of these years. Thank you, Bunnie, for sharing your story in your gracious email. To both of you: You may never know what it has meant to me or taught me to be a part of your stories in this way: I can only hope and pray it has had the same effect on you.

Mozying around

Waiting for the train from a cool shaded spot. It's good to be back in Cape Town! I've missed its lovely people, sunshine, and beautiful bright blue skies! It doesn't hurt that I'm on a properly lazy holiday, either ;)

A Packet to Celebrate

THIS is a photo to celebrate, if ever I saw one!

 

Today, I mailed these items in that large envelope to the Dakotas Conference Office of Leadership Development, where it will be passed on to my Board of Ordained Ministry. I have prayed, written, preached, prayed, lost sleep, smiled for pictures, and prayed some more over this packet and all it means to and for my life. Mailing this packet means I have indeed taken the next step on my journey: provided my interview goes well next month and my Bishop and her cabinet find an appointment for me, I will begin my service as an elder in The United Methodist Church this coming fall.

As intimidating as that sounds, I also can't help but to feel one thing: excitement! Excitement that assures me that this is indeed the right next step for me. God has called, and so I do my best to answer.

Here I am, Lord: Send me!

Going Home

I travel a lot for work, and the next 6 months will be no exception. I do not anticipate being home for more than 2 consecutive weeks (even 2 weeks is unusual!) at any given time between now and when I pack up to move back to the Dakotas in August. This is a blessing and a curse: I get to meet a lot of people and see a lot of friends along the road: and I love flying, traveling, and visiting new places.

As much as I love seeing new places, though, there's nothing like visiting an old place I know and love

While in Tampa for a conference two weeks ago, I overheard the conversation of a couple other staff members. I didn't hear much, but the one word that stuck out to me was an important one: Harare. I immediately chimed in to a conversation that was not my own, "I want to go to Harare!" I was kidding, of course, and they smiled at me and carried on their conversation as I carried on with whatever else I was doing.

2 minutes later my boss comes over and says to me, "so: do you really want to go to Harare?"

Long story short: it has been decided that my own travel and life experiences would be a great asset to the trip being planned to Harare. Fortunately, our Board of Directors also agreed, and so in 2 days, I leave for Harare, Zimbabwe.

After a few more days in Mutare, Zimbabwe and a visit I've always wanted to make to Africa University, we will board our flights home. Only: our flights back to the US stop over in Johannesburg, and I can't say no to that kind of temptation. As excited as I am for the opportunity to go to Zimbabwe, I am even more excited about my upcoming vacation in South Africa!!

I'll be spending only one night in Johannesburg and 9 days in Cape Town. Which means it will feel like a very quick trip, but I'll take an unexpected quick trip any day compared to the alternative of no trip at all!!

A photo of Table Mountain I took
on a camping trip in January 2010

This unexpected adventure has brought a boost to my spirit I did not otherwise realize I needed. I could not be happier than to be not just going on vacation, but returning "home."I hope to do a whole lot of nothing: to cook and laugh and watch movies with my family. To meet the new additions to family (wink, nudge Lisa!). To have tea at Kirstenbosch Gardens or go camping. To stroll on the beach and eat the best fish in the world at Kalky's. Proably have a braai, too, since a South African summer isn't complete without it. These are very important tasks...

I hope to update here a time or two while I'm on my journey... but don't get hopes up too much: visits home tend to be very busy with all the socializing and such... so I'm just not sure I'll be able to manage it all. Oh, the conundrum... :)